im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
