what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
