dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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