i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
