Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
