so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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