I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
