please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
