Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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