I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
