his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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