Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
