I cannot find my penis.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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