Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
