I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
