have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
