so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
jump out the window naked night went bad
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