Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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