Walk of Shame. In a state park.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Randomize
