I'm lost and stupid without you.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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