I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
