Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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