Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
