Fuck appropriateness.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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