that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
