Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize
