I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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