Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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