I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
