Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
