I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
