I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
