Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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