We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
