Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
