Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
