I must be too annoying 4 u.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
