***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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