After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
