piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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