Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
