i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
