if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
