She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
