i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
