Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
