I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
vagina is talking i cant
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
