i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
