I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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