But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
