Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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