I love how my cats smell like pot.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
