the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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