i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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