just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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