Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
