Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
