I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
