Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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