I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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