i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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